The lies we believe

I’ve believed lies before. I think most of us have, if we’re honest.

Some lies cause less damage than others, like the commercial that said a certain carpet cleaner would make pet stains disappear. I believed their claims, yet no matter how many times I used that cleaner the stain returned after a few hours. The only harm done was that I lost about $5.47 in the deal.

A more harmful lie to believe is an abuser telling you he will never abuse you again.

His claim simply isn’t true. Sad to say, but he will hurt you again. Words alone, apologies by themselves, will not stop the abuse. How many times have you heard, “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again”?

If it was true that he will stop hurting you, his abusive attitudes and behaviors would have stopped by now. He would not have hit you, called you that ugly name, shamed you in front of your friends, hidden money from you, pushed you, etc., a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time.

I know you want to believe that he will stop his cruelty. I get it; I wanted to believe it, too.  But please don’t be fooled. It’s not true that his abuse will stop just because he says it will or that he brought you flowers. That’s simply another manipulative tool he uses to keep you trapped in the relationship.

When that stain keeps reappearing, or the abuse keeps happening, that’s a sure sign that you are believing a lie.  If you are, the cost to you is being trapped in a dangerous cycle of abuse, and that my sweet friend is too high a price to pay.

Love doesn’t inflict pain on another; abuse isn’t love.

If you need help, please don’t hesitate to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.  Trained advocates are available to talk with you 24 hours a day and will keep your conversation confidential.