It’s extremely upsetting to learn that someone you love so much is in a relationship with a controlling and cruel person. Your first inclination might be to do something heroic, like confront the abuser and give him an ultimatum that if he lays a hand on her, he’ll have YOU to answer to. Trust me, … Continue reading My daughter is in an abusive marriage, what do I do?
Category: Dear Alli
I’ve secretly wanted to have a “Dear Abby” newspaper column, so here is my version of that. Questions I’ve answered over the years are here, or questions I get now, I’ll answer here. Please feel free to shoot me an email or a comment if you have a question and I’ll try to answer it.
The right question
Remember back in 2014 when Ray Rice, ex- NFL player, hit his then fiancé, Janay Palmer, in an Atlantic City hotel so hard it knocked her out cold? That video is hard to watch as he drags her unconscious body out of the elevator. I remember everyone kept asking Janay, "how can you stay with … Continue reading The right question
What Not to Say
My article today was inspired by Elizabeth Mosley-Banks's article "10 'Harmless' Things You Say that Hurt Me" (Elizabeth Mosley-Banks). She lives with bipolar disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder and writes to increase kindness by educating others and letting those who have BPD and OCD know that they are not alone. After reading her article about … Continue reading What Not to Say
My husband tells me he won’t hit me again, but how can I know for sure?
There are no guarantees he won’t abuse you again, and unfortunately, the chances are high that he will abuse you again if he's not addressing his problems in an accountability group and therapy. If your husband has physically or sexually harmed you, or if there is a pattern of verbal, emotional, or mental abuse, there … Continue reading My husband tells me he won’t hit me again, but how can I know for sure?
The problem with me and my abusive marriage
Marriage is a long-term commitment and a life time of promise and hope of being together. The contract and the commitment anchor us to get through the storms of life. In a healthy marriage, that's a beautiful and good thing as it shores us up and provides stability and cohesion for generations. But in an … Continue reading The problem with me and my abusive marriage
The hair barrette
Twenty plus years later, I still remember the shame I felt after it happened. My parents had moved back to Atlanta to run their business, and my then-husband and I decided to visit them. I grew up in Atlanta so it was "my" town and I was excited to show him the city where I … Continue reading The hair barrette
Miss Davis Eyes
During the very tumultuous pre-teen years of a young girls’ life, I attended a conservative Christian school in the deep South. I use the term “Christian” generously like I do when I butter my bread, but I can assure you that my experience in this school was not as smooth or sweet. My first bitter … Continue reading Miss Davis Eyes
I’m scared to go home today
Dear Pastor, I’m scared to go home today. My husband is ramped up, I can see it in his eyes. He gave me a dirty look when I dropped the kids off at Sunday school. I think it was because my son was crying and didn’t want me to leave and I was consoling him. … Continue reading I’m scared to go home today
The lies we believe
I've believed lies before. I think most of us have, if we're honest. Some lies cause less damage than others, like the commercial that said a certain carpet cleaner would make pet stains disappear. I believed their claims, yet no matter how many times I used that cleaner the stain returned after a few hours. … Continue reading The lies we believe
One decision can change the world
It's been 20 years since I left my abuser. I have two children from that marriage, a son and a daughter, and I'm in awe at how they've risen above the dark and difficult road they've had to walk. I couldn't be prouder of them. I used to feel tremendous guilt and shame for not … Continue reading One decision can change the world